Thursday, June 28, 2007
and to comfort myself, tml is FRIDAY...which means the strt of the weekend...
time to take a break, catch up on sleep...hehe ((:
this whole week has been brain draining...lessons were full force....
had to pay attention ehhh..jia lat unoe....):
but okay lar i guess....biochem test was fine...
chem results were good... (:
the ONLY bad thing is dat i have a re-test on biostats next wed... to get my 7 marks to pass... )):
can be achieved i guess...
meaning..my weekends aren't free at all....
again...datasheeeeets.....sucky sucky things that had to be done...
moreee to come... other than all these shitt academic stuffs, i am beginning to stress myself all over again... i guess dats becos of my wanting to do better...sigh... hope it pays off..
help mee plssss...
sigh...wad's the point of studying?? esp in a diploma in biotech.... its not wad i wanted to take up actually...but then, to please my family, dat was the most meaningful one to me...
the results for doing sumtg u dun wan: poor poor poor results,condemned by big bro who did his course dat he wants... sigh... even my mum said that the amt of study i do now is way more than O level... maybe i'm just not up to studyg too much.. sheesh..4get it... no point groaning..
F&*K! canot take it...must let everytg out... every now and then i tink abt tings i can do in the future... how far can i go? hmmm...go??? i may even just stop at a freaking pathetic diploma...dat's the worse part.. and even to get dat, i'm gg thru alot of suffering... its hell... dat's y i need my sum1... aniwae, its been sumtime since i did crazy stuffs with the ncc peeps.. wait for anei to call me up lar... shit, i'm not gettg emo am i?? sigh...
wa piang, the $ issue now,.....how much can i earn next time?? haha
dat will be a joke i tink...maybe i expect it to be a joke when i see my payslip...
so if u guys out there tink biotech ppl are smart, can earn alot of money easily,then ure wrong...they go thru alottt of hardship man... and for quite a number, they study it for the sake of just academics and not intrest.... and in the end they dun like it dat much and suffer silently like me. the only diff is dat i willingly entered this route but it wasn't my first choice.. we are definitely not smart, its just dat we "waste" alot of time studying nonsense...ppl sae its for research but how many researchers are being recognised?? sigh... poly life relaxed?? nahhh...
laugh at me if u ppl wan to...its just my luck or maybe my fault that has landed me in this situation...gloat gloat and just gloat...
and for the suckiest part, u dun wanna tell all that have been said to my family man...when they pinned high hopes on me,expect good results,behaviour and all those shit...
why must it be me?? i did my part as a child, family member,brother...keeping my paternal grandmum when she needs us most and seeing her all cheerful except for a few complications is nice....just dat u wish she recovered fully... y must they still expect that much from me?? its freaking presurrizing... not being able to produce reults can be suicidal....i'm just afraid of failing them,making them disappointed and then drop my and my family's waterface...its just . . . sigh...
just explain to me if there is any expplanation for all these...
i guess these questions or tinkg will always sty with me forever until a miracle happens hopefully... it will be like a leech stuck to ur skin...
wad's gg to happen to me next?? shall let HIM decide...
speaking of which..when will i get back the discipline to strt praying again... i feel like a lost soul wandering around since the time i stopped...everytg seems hectic...sigh.. but i just cant strt again...even if i'm reminded, i will feel reluctant and not do it in the end cos even if i prayed, theres no point doin with a heavy heart...
y'all can call me emo...but yea, its all about letting go wad's in ur heart to feel better...there may be more, just dat its not in my brain now...(tears are rolling down)
sigh...i feel like got alot more tings i wanna thrash out!!! 4get it.. enuf of emo-ing if it even is...
not forgetting..my dear is taking her block test 2 till next week.... so far, its been all well for her... i feel good hearing that she was able to cope with her papers...
carry on k??..... after ur block test i shall bring u out to enjoy for a while..hehe ((;
that's all folks...back to notes....
i'm always here (=